My new flatmate..

..may or may not be a prick.

He moved in 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I'm still not sure. He's the boyfriend of one of my oldest friends Pinky, they've been going out for about 6 months now - they're both Croatian. I mention this because, not in a xenophobic way (I spent last Summer in Split, and find the Croats a fine, proud people) but because this is the reason Im so unsure about him. One thing most of my Croatian friends recognise, and wear pretty proudly, is their...well, I don't want to say rudeness as such, because it's not. But for the purpose of speed and laziness, then yes. Their rudeness. Like Pinky will swan in and steal my cup of coffee and help herself to my makeup, all the while telling me how much weight I've put on - then getting annoyed by my autopilot politeness.

"Hey, is it alright if I pinch a ciggie?"

"It's just me dude, why dyou keep saying please and thank you? Just fucking take them!"

This Ive gotten used to from Pinky, which is odd as I really like manners, but I know it's a Croatian thing. Comes from sharing, and being a community where there's no need to ask because mi casa es su casa. Its not rudeness, it's being comfortable. Like the British equivalent to fondly calling someone a twat. You're being rude, because you like them. (God, life really never leaves the schoolyard does it?)

Anyway it's different with the new flatmate.

He farts loudly and deliberately, while looking at me for a reaction.
(Childish boy stuff? Or an immature attention-seeker?)

He calls me short, fat and ugly continuously.
(Teasing in that charming Hrvatskan way? Or just being a dickhead?)

He has spoken to me on more than one occasion, quite forcefully, about conspiracy theories.
(Deep, if slightly misguided, thinker? Or paranoid lunatic?)

He has made some questionably racist jokes in the past, and then laughed at my disdain.
(It's either/or with people who tell racist jokes, same as it is with people who love Al Murray or This Is England. Either you tell them because you forget it's not PC because you're so un-racist. Or you're a BNP-happy twat. Again, which?)

See, while the above list doesn't paint a very hopeful picture, thats actually just me nitpicking - the majority of the time, he's very sweet and seems pretty genuine. He also clearly cares about Pinky and they make a lovely couple. He also always buys me cigarettes (another brilliant Croatian trait - cigarettes are for sharing) and pays rent on time, as well as being helpful around the house. I just can't quite shake the feeling that beneath all these things, there may lurk an emergent lunatic. Although this may just be because everyone I meet seems to turn out to be a lunatic, and my constant mantras of "Stop thinking everyone's great! This person is probably a lunatic!" have finally kicked in.

Although, he is very good with my cat. Which means more than you'd think - I can't help but trust animal lovers. Well, not animal lovers but people who love animals, you know, the appropriate amount. I think it's remnants of the Mystery days, when Mystery would be tweaking out on my sofa, weeping and punching walls, and I would lock my cat in the cupboard in the knowledge that Mystery was so far gone that he could quite easily step on him. And then I would have to smash his face in. (I'm not a thug, I just love my cat.) Anyway I think there's something a bit sinister about people who don't like animals.

Although, having said that, I don't like most cats. I only really like mine, and thats cause he's more like a dog. He wags his tail, and answers to his name (Pikachu), and he sleeps at the foot of my bed, chasing my toes. And he's friendly - I hate those cats who hide under the couch whenever anything moves, or makes noise, or happens at all. Okay Im ranting a bit about my cat and Ive sort of digressed from my main point, but I just want to make it clear. My cat is fucking awesome.

Anyway, will give the flatmate some thought. I really hope he's not a racist nutter.