Because Yes, I Am That Cool.

I have discovered the solution to all of life's problems--

Online bridge.


So life ruthlessly threw everything at me today, and in trying to distract myself from it all I spent the day running around the flat finding anything to clean, or iron, or scrub with bleach (which, it turns out, is pretty much everything in my flat).

I woke to find my bank had charged me 40 quid for some obscure reason, my phone company had threatened to cut me off if I didn't pay my last bill (which, it turns out, I had not done), my library had sent a letter demanding 60 quid for a book I vaguely remember taking out but definitely don't remember hearing anything about til now, and Darcy left this morning to Greenland for two months, and I had to hear it from an answerphone message from his flatmate.

And to top it all off, I discovered the surprise 2-week romantic getaway to Greece I'd planned for me and Darcy this August, is non-refundable (and I can't change passenger details) so either that's the last 500 quid of my overdraft down the drain, or I have to go on my own. Which would be the most depressing holiday ever.

I found this all out before I'd even woken up properly. So I decided over breakfast (Irish coffee and a cigarette) that the best way of dealing with all of this was to bunk off work, and instead spend the day clearing out all my kitchen cupboards. It turns out with the amount of tins I had hidden in the back of my kitchen I could have fed the entire of sub-Saharan Africa (if sub-Saharan Africa ate out-of-date kidney beans).

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day becoming increasingly manic, ironing everything from fresh laundry to old kitchen towels, organising my shoes in order of heel height, then colour, then season usage, then heel height again.. until I collapsed in bed, and had to call Pickled Lily for a help-me-I'm-going-crazy conversation. For the anxiety she recommended Rescue Remedy (which apparently consists of herbs, and brandy). And for the lack of money, she recommended part-time escorting (until she discovered it's pretty much a sex trade). So we ended up agreeing to start an Ebay business (the business mainly involving selling our old junk on Ebay).

And now I'm in bed, having just played 4 hours of online bridge with Charolastra No. 1. It turns out the only thing that could stop me from going insane today was online bridge

Because yes, I am that cool.