I didn't have work today, so spent the day on the couch watching old episodes of Boy Meets World and eating leftover Chinese, pretending not to be post-breakup mourning. I don't have the energy to explain the Darcy situation so the official line is "I'm a bit run-down at the moment". Not that anyone's asked.
I am feeling pretty run-down at the moment though, I'm not getting any sleep. I've barely had more than a few hours all week. I know, it's so cliche, but I just can't get to sleep without Darcy. But, to my horror, I've discovered a slightly pathetic way to get past that.
Last night, having been tossing and turning for hours, putting the lamp on and off, shifting pillow positioning, turning music volume slightly up..then slightly down, I was so frustrated and tired, that I just hid under the duvet and wept for about an hour, desperately exhausted and emotional. I inwardly wince writing this, but once I'd stopped sobbing, I lay there drained and vulnerable and after a while I started to picture Darcy. Eyes closed, cheeks wet with tears, in the total darkness and silence I pictured him beside me, his leg just alongside mine, his arm round my waist, his chest rising and falling gently, his breath on my neck..
Nestling into his imaginary warmth, like a child being read a fairytale, I fell asleep.
I go to sleep, and imagine that you're there with me
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