Me vs. My Life

So I have absolutely no inclination towards partying or drinking or having any fun at the moment. After all my buildup of turning-23 anxiety, and restlessness, I now only want to stay in bed watching tv.

I'm slightly worried that this is the natural pattern of me vs. my life - for as long as I can remember it goes like this. I have to deal with life and all the crap therein, so I do, I spend months/years sorting out whatever job/family/money-related disasters that are inevitably going on, which takes its toll and makes me hate being so in control and dealing with everything, so I long to let loose and fly free and other such cliches, and I finally do for a while (canada being the longest period of this kind to date - 2 months) but then life smacks me in the face with whatever work/family/money/heart related disaster I now need to sort out, and I'm back to dealing-with-it mode.

It's fine though, soon I'll be tired of dealing with it, and long to let loose and fly free and other such cliches.. and so on and so forth. Until I split into 2 different people entirely - one who runs around sorting everything out, being sensible and careful and mechanical, with the world on her shoulders, and another who gets drunk and parties and laughs all the time, and doesn't give a shit about anything but drinking and partying and laughing.

I don't want to be either of those girls.