Charolastra No.1 Has No Hope..

..Yet refuses to be called a pessimist.

Had a slightly surreal conversation with Charolastra No.1 today about how her mind works. And about how mine works in such a different way so as to not entirely understand hers.

Essentially I was right in not knowing where she places her hope - because she doesn't have any. Or claims not to. I still don't fully believe/understand someone not having even the slightest hope/aspiration in regards to their life and what they want from it. Her argument, however, was that she isn't aiming to be happy - her ultimate goal isn't happiness. Her goal is only ever purely experience, in whatever form that may take. I don't fully believe her - well I do, obviously - but a part of me is evidently so innately hedonistic that it refuses to understand the core underlying agenda for everything not stemming from wanting to be happy, from wanting whatever it is that you think will make you happy.

But the quest/search/want for happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, elation, whatever breed of joy - is this not, right down at the very core, the reason for all human behaviour, from the big life choices down to the very minutiae of daily life?

Maybe once she has all the world's experience that she wants (or doesn't want as such, rather just knows that she is going to get) under her belt, she will find herself wanting some things. But maybe, as somebody who has spent their whole life wanting more, I just can't quite understand contentment.

Or maybe, even after so many years, I still can't quite understand Charolastra No.1.