Talked things over for an abnormal amount of time with Pickled Lily tonight, for whatever reason, and one resounding conclusion emerged - I'm going to go with the scarf.
I'm an eternal optimist, and in the end I'm better with making mistakes than dealing with regret, and I have to do what is right for me, not what makes sense in everyone elses eyes. I've fallen into relationships and things before, just because I could, and you end up living an emotional facade - it's very lonely, and I'd never do it again. Not that that is on the cards, but the point being that I may have my moments of gloom, but I'm actually perfectly happy on my own. I'm certainly more happy on my own than with someone I don't completely want to be with - when I think back to my loneliest times, there was usually someone sitting right beside me.
I might not be sure about the scarf, and it might end up leaving me cold and uncomfortable and regretting not just wearing the jumper, but.. I really wanted it when I saw it. And it brings out the colour of my eyes. And maybe if I gave it a chance, it would become comfortable.
And fuck it, it made me feel special. Just once, when I tried it on, but if something makes you feel special and new even just once, isn't it worth really going for?
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