Right now Bluebelle, the Sales Manager who trained me, whom I've become fast friends with, and who promoted and trusted me so very quickly, has gone away on holiday - and everyone was freaking out. The GM's, Head Office, our Area Manager - all freaking out that Bluebelle's going away for the most important 3 booking weeks in the year for any bar/restaurant/club.. Christmas.Bluebelle, however, appointed me her replacement and told everyone that even though I was the new girl, I was perfectly capable, they weren't to worry. But they did, I could tell. Gradually though, over the next few weeks, I won the respect of both the general managers, and managed to get my name mentioned at Head Office (a relatively big deal for a reservationist)
Had a big day at work today - first meeting with the area manager, me being in the sales manager role. I felt a bit like a little girl playing at being a grownup in the actual meeting, but everyone took me seriously and I think I got away with it. It's not even that I got away with it, it's that I was prepared. I had been worried about it all week, so I prepared -and when asked questions about figures/bookings/minimum spends, I knew the answers. And it felt good - I'm getting lots of respect from everyone at work, it's a novel new feeling. And I won't stop to think too hard about why it feels so unfamiliar, being respected and thought well of.
In the 2 months I've been there, starting as a minor reservationist, I've been made Christmas Co-ordinator, then Head Reservationist, then Sales Manager replacement, then Sales Manager in training. And it's not an easy place to move up - the two General Managers in particular are hard to impress and tough cookies to crack, but it would appear I've done so. But what gets me is that I keep wondering 'how'? How are they respecting me? And I feel a bit like maybe I'm getting away with something, or that I'm riding some sort of luck - when actually, it's because I've been working fucking hard, and putting my arse into it, and genuinely care about doing my job well, even if it is just a stupid reservationist job.
Absolute Peter, the big boss who commands the highest levels of respect in the office (and who looks a lot like Aragorn, if Aragorn were bald and wore a suit and jeans), gave me a raise yesterday - we were interviewing a new girl for the reservations team on Monday, and we were discussing what pay she would get - £7 an hour, and Absolute Peter said to me on the side "How much do you get?" and I told him, £7. He nodded, and I assumed he was checking how much reservationists get paid. The next day he came in and wrote me a little note during our morning meeting - "You're now on £7.50 an hour". I tried to thank him silently, but he wouldn't look at me. When I broached the subject later he scoffed and said "Well it's not right that you'd make the same amount as her", nodding at the new reservationist.
It's not much, but coming from Absolute Peter it is - he would never offer someone a raise if he didn't think they deserved it, he's not that kind of guy. He would never directly tell somebody that they were doing a good job, but he would make sure they were rewarded for it. He's a good boss like that. Still makes me nervous being around him though, he just commands so much respect, and I've got to a level of piss-taking and playing around with everyone else at the office - the other 2 managers are fantastically flirty-bantery French guys who, while still being in command, play around a bit. Earning their affection was easy, then earning their professional respect was worthwhile, and I still revel in the fact that they take me and my opinion seriously and see me on a level now at work. But winning Absolute Peter's unspoken ever-so-slight acknowledgement makes me genuinely pleased with myself. Like I just got an A+ at school, and my headteacher has patted me on the head.
Anyway, I'm ranting about work like a bit of a weirdo, and I know it sounds stupid for me to make such a big deal out of it but - I dunno, it may not be a big deal to other people, but it's been such a long time since anyone has taken me seriously in a professional capacity, and I've always had this thing where for some reason people think the worst of me and think me incapable. And it's so rarely acknowledged how much I put my heart into things, that when its suddenly acknowledged and praised so freely, I don't think I know what to do with it. It's so unfamiliar.
But I like it, and I want to get used to it. Because it scares me a bit, how pleased I am by essentially being treated with a normal level of respect and esteem, when others just expect it, don't even give it a second thought. It's not that I'm hugely insecure, because I'm not, I just.. it's probably residual secondary school roleplay but when it comes to a work or education related hierarchy I still expect to be treated like I always have been - bottom of the rung. Smart but lazy. Or funny but dumb. Whatever it is that people seem to see, I've never played up to it but I've never been surprised by it. I'm aware that I'm a female, and that I can be pretty, and that I can be funny, and that I can have a personality. For some reason any given one of these things make people assume me to be incapable. People never see the package.
Somehow, they do now. And, it sounds stupid, but they're fond of me here. They're fond of me, but this doesn't make them take me any less seriously. It's like I'm finally being seen the way I've tried to be seen for years in the workplace, and I don't understand it! And it's not that I'm particularly good at this - well I am, but not any better than I was at psychology research for example, or at charity work, or even at bloody gcses. Just for whatever reason, these people can see it. Or I'm just in the right industry. Where looking good and being fun is just as important as knowing your shit, it's not a hindrance.
Anyway, the point being - I'm enjoying being respected and taken seriously at work, and I want to get used to it. And damn it, I will.
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